The truth is….
I’ve suffered from depression for almost 10 years now.
It started when I was in college….I was a cutter.
I would cut myself to feel something, or give myself a reason to hurt.
It was unhealthy. My friends threatened to tell my parents if I didn’t. I saw a therapist, got on some medication, got on with my life.
I continued to see a therapist when I was in grad school. That shit was tough!
Now, I’m a wife and a mom. I have a full time job, a house, a wonderful family
But, I still suffer from depression.
Lately, that ugly black cloud has been hovering a little too close and has gotten pretty big and dark.
Maybe it’s the winter blahs….but, winter hasn’t even really started.
This morning, I didn’t want to get out of bed. I did though, because I had to give Peanut her nebulizer and wanted to say by to my hubby before he left for work. But, then I went back to bed. I was late to work.
At work, I don’t want to be there. I want to be at home, in bed.
But, I don’t want to lose my job either. So, at work, I want to sit in my office and work on my computer.
I want to close my door, turn off the lights and eat pop-tarts, hoping no one will come to the door to bother me.
I want to feel joy – and there are times when I do feel joy.
I want to have my energy back.
I want to have ambition and motivation.
It’s bad….I know.
I need help.
I hate feeling like this.
It’s not fair.
It’s really shitty.
It’s the ugly truth.